That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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