I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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