No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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