the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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