I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
