Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
