my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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