Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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