how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
