Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
