If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
