girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
