There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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