it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
