I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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