I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
