The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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