omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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