apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
