Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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