If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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