what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
