I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
