Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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