Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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