I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
