i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
