i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
