I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have post one night stand depression
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