fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
