Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
