Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
