Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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