I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
