u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
