i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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