You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
