First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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