i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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