So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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