you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
