Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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