I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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