she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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