We won't sleep together?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
