i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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