I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
