I looked at my own cervix.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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