Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
