I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
