There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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