I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
