Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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