hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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