I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
