Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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