dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
