yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
