to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
