my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
