Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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