did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
