Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
