I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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