the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
