Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
