I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
