am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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