have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
