Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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