none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
